Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
