i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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