It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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