Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
