She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
