Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize