Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
