i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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