Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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