omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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