i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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