Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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