I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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