Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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