Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
