Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
