You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I AM VODKA MAN
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
