I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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