haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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