you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
