i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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