If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
