i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
4 words: hood of his car
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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