a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
