I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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