oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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