you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
