At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
