You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize