you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
