My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
