When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
