We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So many bounce houses so little time
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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