I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
i think i just lost a toe
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
