Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
