Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
