I checked into jail on foursquare
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
