OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
