What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
