Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
