Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
