At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize