doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
