I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
