i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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