so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize