How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
