brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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