Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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