They should really pass out barf bags in church
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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