College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
