Can i not drive my cunt home
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
