just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
