Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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