Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
