I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
