On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Terrible idea I love it
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
