I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
