quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
