i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Send help, water and tortillas.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
