Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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